Finding your way back to who you are
You function. You organise, you care, you deliver. And still there is a question you cannot answer quickly: who am I, outside of all this? This article gives you four things you can do today.
Tubisai Burnet, BSW · Psychosocial Worker
2 min lezen
Losing touch with yourself rarely happens on purpose. It happens because every day there is something more urgent than the question of what you want. Your roles demand an answer. You do not.
Why this happens
Psychologists call it self-concept clarity: how clear and consistent your picture of yourself is. Research shows this picture fades when you spend long periods mainly responding to what others ask of you, rather than choosing from what matters to you. The good news is that it recovers. Not by thinking hard about who you are, but by doing small things that are yours.
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One sentence a day — 1 minute
Finish this sentence each evening: “Today I would have liked ___.” What you write does not matter. What matters is that you are asking yourself again.
HOW TO DO IT
Open a note on your phone and write five lines. Think back to your twenties if you get stuck. Then pick one you can do this week in under half an hour.
STEP 1
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STEP 2
HOW TO DO IT
Set a daily reminder at 9pm that says “today I would have liked”. Type your answer into the same note. Read it back after a week.
If you only do one thing
Do number 2, the one sentence a day. It costs you a minute, and it is the only one of the four that turns asking the question into a habit. The rest follows from there.
Sources: Campbell, J. D. et al. (1996). Self-concept clarity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(1), 141–156. · Lejuez, C. W. et al. (2011). Behavioral activation therapy. Behavior Modification, 35(2), 111–161.
The five things list — 5 minutes
Write down five things you used to love doing. Not useful things. Things that made you lose track of time.
Four things you can do today
STEP 3
STEP 4
Say what you want once, without explaining — 30 seconds
Not “I would like to, but if it does not suit you then never mind”. Just: “I would love to ___.”
Do one thing that serves no purpose — 10 minutes
Not self-care with a goal. Not a walk to hit your step count. Something purely because you enjoy it.
HOW TO DO IT
Pick one moment today when someone asks you something you have a preference about. State your preference. Add nothing. No “but I really do not mind” afterwards.
HOW TO DO IT
Set a timer for ten minutes. Spend them doing something nobody benefits from. Listening to music and nothing else. Flicking through a book. Looking out of the window.
When you need more than an article
What is written here is psychosocial guidance, not therapy. If you recognise prolonged low mood, ongoing sleep problems, panic symptoms or the feeling that you are really not coping — contact your GP. They can look with you at whether you need care that goes beyond guidance.
Shall we look at it together?
In a free fifteen-minute Self-Love Discovery Call we look together at what is going on for you and what a realistic first step would be. No sales pitch, no obligation.
Prefer to go straight to a 75-minute session? See the Self-Love Session.
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